Has anybody been able to rivet a chain maybe in a vise?

Has anybody tried it and the result being pain and carnage after the chain fell off?

Am I being a crazy fool for trying?

Yes, I know I can bring it to the shop but I rather not.

If you can answer this question without insulting me I would appreciate it.

Thank you!!
The bike is an Hurricane 600, not exactly a power house, if it matters at all.
I do have a shiny new jack and the swingarm bearings have never been lubed so I was planning to take it off anyway.